Speech At My Funeral
What I think my son would say at my funeral.
Thank you very much for coming to my Dad, Nuruddin’s funeral. I am surprised that so many of you liked him? Or are here to make sure he is dead. Dad always hated funerals. I am sure he wouldn’t have wanted to attend this one too but he is stuck in the casket.
Let me start with an incident – Dad was 20, he had finished college and was arguing with Dadu. Dadu told him “When you are ready, please find a girl for yourself to marry. Don’t depend on us. We cannot bear the guilt of destroying a girl’s life”. My father knew that Grandpa was not lying, so he found mom. A gullible Parsi girl, the only one who said yes to him.
Dad married at the ripe old age of 22. My mom who is fake-weeping on the first row was 18 years old. He was still doing his CA articleship at that time and earning a CEO’s salary of 425 rupees per month.
Dad was a frugal CPA. The entire wedding expense, including bribes, was 840 rupees in Bandra Court. He treated all three witnesses to an exquisite cuisine of Ravalgaon candy.
Dad was staying at Dadu’s one-bedroom apartment, and mom had to hide her marriage and stay at her parent’s house. Five years later, dad moved to NY, got H1, and made mom run away and catch a Delta flight on New Year’s Eve. Her parents thought she was out with friends.
Dad was a sports fanatic. He could wake up at 3 am, without an alarm when India was playing. He wasted his money on season tickets for both NY football teams. He tried to get me and Sarah (my sister) interested in sports but never succeeded. Luckily mom’s genes were more prominent.
Dad and Dadu had one thing on which they connected: Food. On the rare occasion when they hugged, it was an arms-length transaction with only the tummies colliding.
Dad was a true believer in Vegetarianism. He felt that everyone ‘else’ should be a vegetarian. He was very strict in this and said “Never offer meat to any vegetarian. If he likes it and buys it, then meat prices go up.”
Rest in Peace is the wrong phrase to use for dad. Peace can never be there when he is around. I am sure he will be back soon enough. I wish he chooses Sarah’s house rather than mine.
Neville Pethani.
Photo Credit: Mayron Oliveira